AIDS grandmothers do what grannies do best - love
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Maclarka Jeanet Rakhiba did what any good grandmother would do: she told her HIV-positive grandson a white lie to make him feel less alone and afraid.
She told the orphan she was infected too.
“I didn’t know how to tell him,” said Rakhiba, from Katlehong, South Africa, where she was counseled at a local workshop on what to tell the nine-year-old.
“I’m not positive. I was just lying to him so that he can be free. I thought maybe he would be scared and he’d feel that he’s not like others.”
As speakers at the 16th International AIDS conference in Toronto shift their attention to helping women protect themselves, an older generation of women—the grandmothers—compared notes on how they are protecting children left behind by mothers already lost to the pandemic.
Rakhiba was among 300 grandmothers who traveled to Canada from sub-Saharan Africa for the three-day Grandmothers’ Gathering on the sidelines of the conference.
“I feel it’s very unfortunate because at the age that we’re at now, we’re supposed to be resting,” said Rakhiba, who appears to be middle-aged, in an interview. “But we are not resting. And there’s no one who cares for us. It’s very difficult.”
Rakhiba started to cry when she spoke about the death of the child’s mother and a second daughter from AIDS, and caring for the boy.
“I said: ‘Me and you are sick. We’ve got HIV. (We are) not going to die now. We’re going to live it, with it. As long as me and you can eat the right food ... as long as we take our medicine on time, we will be all right’.”
NOT ALONE
She told of how hard it was to explain death to the boy, who never met his mother.
“I used to tell him that everybody here in the world, it’s not our permanent place. Sometimes we go somewhere, where we are going to sleep with the angels,” said Rakhiba, who also lost a baby grandson to the disease and is caring for another healthy grandson who is almost two.
“Then I started to tell him that your mother is there, one day me or you, one of us will go there. We can’t go at the same time. Each one must go at her time or his time.”
The Grandmothers’ Gathering is part of the Grandmothers to Grandmothers Campaign organized by the Stephen Lewis Foundation, which provides funding to 140 community-based projects in 14 African countries. Its board is chaired by the United Nations envoy to AIDS in Africa, Canadian Stephen Lewis.
Many of the women raising their orphaned grandchildren—some caring for as many as 28—are also HIV-positive. Many had not realized AIDS is a global issue.
“I thought it’s only Africa. I’m relieved. I’m relieved to see that I’m not alone,” Rakhiba said.
Before she left the conference early to return to her grandchildren, Rakhiba blinked back her tears, saying the first thing she’ll do when she gets home is kiss and hug her grandson and tell him she’s happy to be back.
“I’ve gained a new life,” said Rakhiba. “I’m going to tell him that it was so nice and I’m going to tell him that he’s not alone, it’s the whole world.”
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