Couples agree on telling kids of donor conception

Couples who conceive with the help of a donor usually agree on whether to tell their child about it, a study suggests.

In interviews with 141 married couples who had conceived using donor eggs or sperm, researchers found that 95 percent had come to an agreement over whether to tell their child.

Half of the couples said they had never differed in their opinion on the issue; of the other half, most were able to reach an agreement after discussing it, the study found.

Dr. Dena Shehab and her colleagues at the University of California, San Francisco report the findings in the medical journal Fertility and Sterility.

The American Society for Reproductive Medicine recommends that parents who conceived with the help of a donor be encouraged to tell their children about it. But little is known about whether couples often have conflicts over this decision, or how they ultimately arrive at a decision, according to Shehab’s team.

Among the couples in their study, 62 had conceived through donor insemination. One-third said they had already told their child, while 45 percent planned to in the future; 16 percent said they would not disclose, and the rest were undecided.

Of couples who had used donor eggs, nearly one-quarter had already told their child, and 58 percent planned to. Ten percent said they would not tell their child.

“Approximately one half of couples simply stated that no difference of opinion had ever existed between them,” Shehab and her colleagues write.

Of the rest, most were able to discuss the issue and arrive at an agreement over whether to tell their child, the researchers found.

Among the factors couples considered was where they lived—that is, whether they lived in a more “progressive” area of the country, or a more socially conservative one.

Other important influences were their families’ religious or cultural beliefs; the researchers found that Catholic and Jewish couples, as well as those of Asian and Hispanic ancestry, were more likely to be concerned about how grandparents or other relatives would treat the child.

Some couples did use the help of a counselor in making their decision. However, the researchers found, these couples did not want to be told what to do, and “strongly objected” to getting “pro-forma” advice rather than individualized counseling.

In general, Shehab’s team found, couples who were initially undecided felt that discussing the issue with other couples, often as part of a professionally led group, was particularly helpful.

It’s likely, the researchers write, that support from other couples not only gives undecided parents needed information, but also “reduces feelings of isolation and stigma by normalizing the donor experience.”

SOURCE: Fertility and Sterility, January 2008.

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